Friday, July 10, 2009

My Tuesday Playgroup

Hi my Tuesday Playgroup (as how I always describe you all)....

It is 1am and I am trying to catch up after a long day at work... I just saw this email and the photos... I burst into tears because I am just so touched.... that you took the time to do this.... I so needed this...

We went to Yosemite for 3 days...majestic and grand with nature and it was a good way to spend the 8th that way with Matthew and the 3 grandparents and John. I biked and hiked and tried to in my darkest secret imagining how tall and how Ryan would have looked today at 8.5 yrs. old but I just couldn't imagine it...

John and the grandparents went to Ryan's resting place before our trip. I just couldn't go... as much as you and everyone think I am so courageous, etc... i just gave myself every excuse not to go to his resting place. I just didn't want to go because I do not have the courage to stand in front of the grave and strip down my emotions.

Six years and I am supposed to deal with it better but dealing better means I find a way to protect my feelings and not let myself to feel that deep painful wounds.

It was just wonderful to see you at the Ride, year after year whenever you can... despite in your biased opinion that it is a fun event.... John and I planned this event with such intensity and we appreciate seeing familiar faces there. Unfortunately, many folks who are new in our lives or in Matthew's lives will not understand the significance of this Ride as they have never personally met Ryan.

So... I looked at the photos....then I thought, why did the kids have blue and green balloons...then I scrolled down and then it sank in... I just didn't expect that. Thank you.... with love.

No comments: