5th Annual Angel Ryan Project Request

Dear Friends and Families:
Hope you are well. Somehow this has become an annual letter for us to connect with our families and friends.

Can’t believe four and a half years has gone by and this is the 5th Annual Angel Ryan Project. This year I have been feeling exhausted physically and I realized I no longer have the stamina like past years. Perhaps I should nurture myself more and skip the Angel Ryan Project. How do I find the stamina and energy to plan the 5th Annual Ryan’s Ride in the spring when I am this exhausted now?

But as I began to plan for Matthew’s 7th birthday party and the sounds of holiday music being played on the radio, I realize that I could not skip the Angel Ryan Project. It is a representation of Ryan’s spirit and an opportunity for our family to truly learn the meaning of holiday giving.

Matthew will turn 7 on December 15th. We missed celebrating with Ryan for five birthdays already. Sometimes I try to imagine a seven-year old Ryan. but I couldn’t. I cannot picture how he would have looked now. Matthew, on the other hand, has grown to be so sensible. At many times, he would parent me:
“Mom, you don’t know how I feel because my brain is not your brain.” When I told him that he was right, “Mom, I am only a kid and I know it. You are an adult.” Matthew is right. I learn to be a better person from his lecture. Three of Matthew’s favorite books are about this set of twin boys who grew up to be professional football players. I asked him why he liked these books so he said the books remind him of Ryan and him.

This year, John and I had come across several parents who had since lost a child to cancer, sudden death. I am just reminded that challenges like these just happen in life randomly. And as survivors, we have the obligation to relate to these individuals and share the darkness in their lives. How can we not be there for them when not many have walked that path to truly understand the grieving journey?

We still have not ordered a marker for Ryan. I have to think of a quote to put on the marker but I want it to be right. So the guilt continues onto 2008.

2007 has been a miracle year. Alana Sophie, my niece and daughter of my sister, was born in Sept. She was healthy and gorgeous. I flew to Hong Kong to spend 5 days with her right after her birth to share the precious moments. I held her in my hands and felt the enormous joy and hope. I questioned if others feel the immense joy that I felt of having a niece in their arms. Matthew, John and I will visit Alana during this holiday season. I told Matthew, “Alana is like a sibling to you. She is the closest to you besides Ryan.”

John has started a new venture after 12 years with Sony Playstation. We all have learned to still live life with a passion and he is working hard but enjoying the new opportunity. On 12/9th, John will celebrate his tenth anniversary of being cancer free. I am so blessed for his continued good health, his patience and love to Matthew and I. I know I am stronger because I am sharing my life with John.

Matthew and I will deliver the gifts to the Mid Peninsula Boys & Girls Club on Wednesday, 12/12th at around 4pm. If your children are interested in helping with the delivery, please join us. I hope we can count on you to celebrate Ryan’s life with us by donating a gift or 2. The value of each gift is only about $15 and the club will mail you a tax receipt. The Club is an after school program for low-income families so gifts will be most appropriate for children between 7 to 14 years old age. They often lack gifts for the older children.

John, Matthew and I are grateful for your continued support to help us honor our little boy. You are the ones who keep this project going for our family. No words can express our gratitude to you. The delivery will be next week so please contribute to the Angel Ryan Project now and help us reach our goal to collect 200 plus gifts again.

May you find peace and joy during the holidays and be surrounded by love from those you care about.